This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
