You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize