return my video game
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
