It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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