she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
