I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
