i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
