some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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