Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize