you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
