out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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