I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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