It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
