Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
