I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
