Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
