I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
