you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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