My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
