i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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