I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Text me some of your sweat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
