carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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