when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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