I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
