I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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