I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
