You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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