Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
false alarm, still single
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize