kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
