Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
