Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
