she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
