I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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