Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
