When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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