omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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