Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
