when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
