Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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