guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pants are for mortals
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize