he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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