1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
