I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
