I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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