Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize