I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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