I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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