I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
