I smell stomach acid.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
