Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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