Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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