I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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