we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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