Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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