just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
