I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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