If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
