I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
