Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
