you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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