please come you make the beer taste better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
