Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are leaves in my underwear?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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