The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
