i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
