When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
