How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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