It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize