Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
