The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
