our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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