i jhust puked up my retainher.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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