dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
