Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
