You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
