yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
