we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize