You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
