So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
