$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
