Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
