as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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