He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
