Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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