he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
