When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
