I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
