I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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