do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
