If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize