"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
