The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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