I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
