That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
