you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
