I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
