Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
