Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize