i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How does one acquire holy water?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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