Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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