i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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