i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
