i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
