I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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