babies were throwing up all over the place
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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