sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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