break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
