Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and she was petting her beer can
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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