you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize