I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize