best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
