xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
