Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
