I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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