He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
