i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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