she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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