I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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