YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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