Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
