So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
