does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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