GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
